When I was a kid, I always thought that everything needed to be according to plan. When I was a kid, I thought that everything needed to be in the right order. When I was a kid I though that life would be simple. When I was a kid, I thought everything needed to be according to its best standards. When I was a kid, I was under a spell. Under a spell of goodness. Under a spell oriented towards the good in life. When I was a kid, I was afraid. I was afraid of losing a friend. I was afraid of being used and hurt. I was afraid of not knowing, of failing, of falling down the stairs, of falling deep in thoughts about other people. I was afraid of being put down. I needed to stay on top. When I was a kid, I had no friends. I had no one to turn to at school. When I was a kid I didn't know life. I didn't know what it felt to rebel from the mainstreams. I didn't know how to speak up. I was a coward. I cowardly accepted mocking jokes from my friends. I cowardly accepted their accusation of me and their look of disgust. When I was a kid, I was at one point hopeless. Hopeless of finding a real friend. When I was a kid I didn't how to start. I didn't know how to start to accept and appreciate others. I had no courtesy of selflessly putting myself out there for another person. I had not plan for this to happen.
I screwed up. Forgive me, of lashing out in fear. Forgive me for not trying. It would be either the past or the present that have made this predicament.
