I know that there's no such thing as being a perfect person, but why did God have to make people have drives to obtain this nonsense perfection? Don't people have there own flaws? It's just there decisions on whether to show them or not. I reckon flaws of people are merely hindrance of success and as a reminder for them that you can't make everything according to the demands of good. Special experiences in life are meant to trigger your curiosities to discover you not anyone else. Never in a million years I've met anyone who mentioned to have never made any mistakes in life. But what if the mistakes are done again? What if it can't stop? What if it's like addiction to substance or any other kinds of bad habits we can imagined. Barriers in society reflects the bounding chains of behaviours which can manipulate souls. I didn't recognize any wrongness of my actions until people begin to start discussing it, I realized that it was wrong to begin with, but I've kept doing it. I can't stop. My will of good was trapped underneath strong drives of excitement. Anyway, the only path I've chosen is to still be near God. I don't want to perceive myself as being confused and not knowing who I am. I've tried so hard to avoid that. But in fact, it turns that don't know exactly. I act strong to make it seem like I was. I can't stand it anymore. For once, I want to be the one that is dependent on someone for something. Anything. But not too dependent of course. I don't want to and I can't be like this anymore. I have to find the balanced between power and living the actual life.
Can't I just start over, can it be just about me this time? I want this so bad. I want freedom, barriers of demands on good behaviours need to be broken for a while. Surfacing the urged of seeking real excitement in life is what I want to pursue. I want to try everything to be frank. But the question is, is it possible? How do I get out of the hole of boundaries of perfection?
